Shh...It's a Secret That Only Those Who Read This Will Know About :)

So in approximately 10 weeks I will get to meet this little beauty:

She will be my lovely little niece!!! My brother and sister-in-law are having their first baby - my first time being an aunt! I thank God daily for this precious little treasure and pray for her constantly. She is due to be born November 14th :) If you read this, please do not comment on my facebook page as I'm not allowed to go public completely about this yet. And my first job as an aunt is completed - I have given her the nickname of "Flower," although after she's born I may start calling her "Cherry Blossom" as Cherry blossoms are my favorite flowers and she will be 1/4 Vietnamese! Blessings and thanks for sharing this joyous moment with me! The best is yet to come!!

Out of the Dust

It's here - my senior year in college. I've gotten back into the grind of classes, lack of sleep, eating cheap food, and building relationships again. But even in the midst of all of this my mind is distracted. The depression has come back with a vengeance - starting this last January. Struggling with trusting people again, feeling regret over my major choice (I wanted to do healthcare but Biology was the only option), feeling the hurt of rejection from friends - especially those I really used to be close to. It's a daily struggle; and daily I've got to quote scripture and pour out my heart to God in order to deal with this. I've taken up jogging to deal with the nervous energy; which I guess is good for me because I need to lose weight. I have my really good days and I have my really bad days. God has been reassuring me over and over about His love and that I need to continue to hide myself in Him in order to keep myself from getting hurt. I will probably never find someone on this side of heaven who understands me and why I do/act/say the things I do. I have to remind my mind of my new identity in Christ as a daughter of the most high God. But I will repeat, it's a daily struggle. And I often want to go to a few of my friends and talk with them, but then I'm reminded that I really need to go to God first and depend on Him to help me through before I ever head to my friends. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get close to anyone - I really desire close, true, relationships with people around me. I struggle with the fear of being alone, the fear of finding friends and being rejected like I have by many in the past. And I fear what could happen the next time an attack comes. And yet, Jesus is right there, beckoning me and holding me in His arms. I am not without hope, and I am never truly alone. God is healing and strengthening me as I take this time to hide myself in Him. Those moments of sitting and being with God or finding that quiet sanctuary outside where I can dance before my Savior are a precious treasure for me. And it is in this treasure I find so much joy that I can overcome my daily struggle. On days when I'm battle weary Jesus becomes my strength and He continues to give me strength to fight another day. I covet prayers and I know some would think I should go to a psychiatrist but I know this is more a spiritual matter than anything else, as I seek to let Jesus heal the wounds on my heart. I give God the glory in this trial!