I have a praise report! I have been dealing a lot lately with a fear that has gripped me almost my entire life and that fear was the fear of rejection. It has been an area of great hindrance for me and a very wounded part of my life. But thanks to God's mercy and love I can say that at the end of 2009 - literally - God has completely healed me of my fear of rejection and I have been spending every day of 2010 reveling in this new found freedom I have!! Anyways, before God healed me I wrote this poem as a way to kinda put my testimony out there. It's kinda a different, allegorical way of looking at it but nevertheless it's my testimony. Enjoy!!
"The Garden"
I walked through a fire destroyed land,
With dead trees and branches lying all around.
My heart was heavy and my spirit was depressed
As I looked at the destruction at its best.
Left, right – I knew not which way to turn.
All I knew was to cry as I let my anger burn.
Hurt, rejected, beaten down was all I understood.
Where once a lavished garden thrived
Is now a burned out waste land with no light.
Where once a little girl learned to dance
Now there is only burned up branches – a remnant of the past
How could it have gotten this far?
How could the fire have destroyed so much?
Hurt, rejected, beaten down was all I understood.
As I sat there with tears of hurt streaming down my face
A voice called softly from the distance.
It said “Come this way!”
It beckoned me to follow ever so gently.
And in that direction I went silently.
The walk brought back angry memories from the past
Of how the fire destroyed the once beautiful garden.
How could walking in this direction make things any better?
And yet I walked on ever so silently.
Hurt, rejected, beaten down was all I understood.
After an eternity of walking something appeared in the distance.
Something green and alive and beautiful
My feet went quicker and soon I was upon the beauty
A rose bush was what stood right in front of me.
Small and beautiful with bright pink roses.
How could it have survived the fire?
How did it not get destroyed?
Hurt, rejected, and hopeful was all I understood.
I looked down at my feet as the tears began to flow
And there right beside me was a watering can full of water.
I knelt down beside it unsure of what to do
And then a light hand touched my shoulder.
I did not turn around, I was unsure of this warmth I felt.
And then I heard a voice whisper in my ear,
“Water the roses.”
So I took that watering can and ever so gently watered the roses.
Hurt, rejected, and hopeful was all I understood.
As I knelt there watering the roses the bush began to grow.
I watched in amazement as it grew from a shrub into a beautiful bush.
I set the watering can down and the ground around the can sprouted with grasses.
I quickly rose to my feet and stepped back in awe.
I looked down and saw grasses and daisies sprouting around my feet.
And then a ray of sunlight came down and alighted on this rose bush
And the pink roses sparkled in the sunlight.
My breath was taken away at everything that was happening.
Amazed, rejected, and hopeful was all I understood.
In my awe I suddenly became aware of the light touch on my shoulder
So I turned around and saw a man standing before me.
His face was beautiful and His eyes were full of love.
He was dressed in the finest linen and His garments were righteousness.
I looked at Him and everything within me felt drawn to Him.
I noticed His outstretched arms and I ran instantly into them.
He embraced me ever so lovingly and the tears began to flow.
And He held me ever so tighter.
Amazed, loved, and hopeful was all I understood.
I stepped back to look at this man who held me with such Love
And as I looked into His face I felt wholly unworthy
And I fell to my knees and began to weep in my shame.
Then the man said “Here, let Me take that off your back”
And He took off a pack I did not know I carried.
I watched as He walked up to a tree and place it on its branches
And as He stepped back the tree transformed into a Cross
As the tears kept flowing I felt a complete freedom come over me
I stood to my feet and was amazed at the lightness I felt as I looked at this man.
Amazed, loved, and hopeful was all I understood.
And then right in front of me sprang a lake and a waterfall
And then trees and more flowers came in a beautiful wave of light.
A butterfly flew past me and a little deer ran right in front of me.
Rabbits pranced around my feet and birds sang in the branches.
I became breathless at the miracle all around me
Where once there was death and now there is life.
I looked back to the man and ran back into his outstretched arms.
Amazed, loved, and free was all I understood.
This man lifted me into His arms and spun me around
As laughter filled the air.
I felt complete and whole within His arms
And I hugged Him with everything I could.
He set me back down and began to sing.
His song went deep into my heart and I began to cry again.
Then He took my hand and we began to dance.
Twirling and spinning, swinging and dipping;
Dancing to the most beautiful song I had ever heard.
Complete, loved, and free was all I understood.
As I gazed into His eyes of love He smiled back at me.
And with His hand He wiped away the tears streaming down my face.
And He bent down and whispered in my ear,
“My precious Diamond, I love you! You take My breath away!
I love you so much! Rest in My love.”
And as Love coursed through my veins I closed my eyes
And rested in that love as I drifted off to sleep.
Safe in His arms, and loved for all eternity.
No longer hurt, no longer rejected and no longer beaten down.
I found hope and was made complete.
Loved, cherished, and His beloved was all I knew.
