No Condemnation

We hunger for love and when we are shown it often we can't see it nor accept it. And we are taught as young children to conform to what society sees as a "good" child - often that effort to conform the child is riddled with shame either through the authority giving shame or the child seeing shame. I, for too much of my life, saw correction as something to be afraid of, for I pretty much always saw it as a shaming act. I was a good child because I was afraid of what may happen should I be anything but good. I was driven to perform, I strove in life so I could run away from punishment. Often, and to this day it still feels this way, that no matter what I did it's never good enough. Tonight, Daddy and I talked. To be frank, I really struggle to believe that I'm what God says I am, for everything I have been praised for in life has been because of things I've done. So I strive more so I can run away from the shame and hopefully get the praise that assures me that I'm OK. And now as my heart bleeds over the relationships that I have poured myself, my money, my love, my tears, my energy into that have walked away from me when I stopped being convenient to them it's difficult to not assume that this is "punishment" because I didn't do something right. So many nights I lie awake thinking through what I would say to these people if I could only just talk to them to justify myself so I wouldn't feel condemned. So many nights I lie awake thinking through the various scenarios of the day, of the past year, of when I was 2 years old that if I had done them differently maybe I wouldn't have been shamed. It really wasn't until tonight when Daddy and I talked that I saw the efforts of many to correct me wasn't to shame me but was to give me life. That I/we are to repent not because the thing we are doing makes us bad, but because it is not life-giving. As a child I learned to fear authority figures because if I did one thing wrong I would be shamed. I learned that attention from authority figures was a bad thing - you only ever saw your peer go talk with the teacher when they were in trouble and VERY rarely did someone go talk to the teacher alone because they did the right thing. For me, outside of the home, there was very little praise for doing good, there was only shame for doing bad. I wonder how many other children have felt like this. I wonder how many wounds there are in this society over this. No wonder there's so much rebellion - so many are afraid of correction for they see it as something shaming not something life giving. But how do you praise, celebrate someone for them just being them, not because they've done anything to be praised? I mean God introduced Himself to the Israelites as "I AM" - He is who He shows Himself to be? It's an understanding that I am not able to grasp at this point - loving someone unconditionally, praising/celebrating them for who they are not for what they've done...I missed so much love because I was taught that correction was meant to condemn the criminal, to bring justice to a wrong committed, to punish the wrong. But in reality it was meant to show us that which gives life. It dawns on me as I'm writing this that we are, because of Jesus and what he did on the cross, not punished for our wrongs...but are instead guided back into the path of life, the path that leads to the perfection of our faith. It is here that I see how and why I am to believe who God says I am and why I'm able to accept it. Do you beloved see it too? Together, let's lay aside our shame (for I know I'm not the only one who sees what I've written this way). Yes, lay aside our shame and our fear of being shamed for there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.