Hope for All the World

It's just a few days before Christmas. I started my first day of claims training today; inwardly I secretly cringe at the next month. But for right now, the candles are lit, the tree is up and slowly but surely the lights and ornaments are being added to the tree. So much has happened this year I don't know where to begin in the storyline of my life other than God jumped in and danced with me throughout the last 2 years.

Over the last few months time and time again I have been challenged to find a sense of direction. Life got way too crazy way too fast and I find myself longing for that sweet time I had with God just a few months ago where I felt Him close, the tenderness and warmth. But I grew angry and bitter and through a series of events I ended up with a bump on my head and my head much clearer of what is truly important in life.

Jesus isn't just for me, He isn't just for the Jews, He isn't for the Christians sitting in the pews each Sunday. He's for everyone. For the broken, the hurting, the liars and cheaters. He's for the murderers, the sick, the dying, the lonely, the numb, the outcasts, the dirty, the jealous, the imperfect. He's for the ones who do not know who they are. He's for the ones who try so hard to be good but can't seem to get past the one mistake. He's for the one who wishes they had a do-over with life. The one who wishes for a true friend.

I look back over my life and I see time and time again God wooing and pursuing me. In every challenge, in every raging fire and thundering storm. He is there with me. And over the years I've learned to trust that He will work to make everything beautiful. To seek for His presence even when He is no-where to be found. Because the thing is that God can use our most shattered pieces, our most paralyzing fears, our lowliest moments, our biggest mistakes, and turn it into a mosaic of beauty for His glory. If my brokenness leads me closer to God, then let me be broken. If my mistakes remind me of who is truly God, then let me make mistakes. If I have to be lonely to find true satisfaction in Him alone, then let me be lonely.

The thing is beloved, God just wants to be with you. He cares to bring you to the fullest person you can be; He cares to equip you with the tools you need to bring the most fruit into your life and to be the most prosperous for His Kingdom. He loves and longs for you to trust Him, to give Him a chance to show His might in the midst of the darkness. He delights in every moment you give Him. He doesn't care how presentable you are, because the blood of Christ has now washed you clean so you can be embraced by God's complete holiness. If you accept His love and surrender your life to Him, He will give you your identity - "You are MY daughter!" "You are MY son!" "You are MY child."

He is the hope for all the world. As the world get's darker may HIS light shine brighter. "May we learn to love like you, may we learn to fall, may we learn to love like you, may we learn to fall on our faces." That something so humble and tender as a baby could be the biggest battle move any King has made in battle. To step into our world, and dwell among us. Just as He stepped into the Garden of Eden, to dwell among Adam and Eve. When He stepped between the sacrifices with Abraham, so He could dwell among us. When He came as a baby...And when He poured out His Spirit upon us. So He could dwell among us.

Yeah, I think God likes us :) This week as we accept and give gifts to each other may we remember to accept God's love for us and to give gifts and blessings back to Him by serving and blessing each other. You never know how God just might show up!

Blessings!!

The Fire

There are times in life when things are unfair. When we're forced to walk on a path we did not want to walk down, we are not able to see what's ahead and each step is filled with pain. What is the purpose? Why do I have to go down this path? Where is the hope?

Being in such a helpless position we can try to control, to lash out, to avoid, to defend ourselves. And it leaves us exhausted and more hurt. We can never know the purpose behind why God allows us to go down such journeys in life. We can never understand why he let so much pain happen to us. But what I do know is that He is right there right beside us the whole way through. And if we just let ourselves cling to Him and surrender the situation into His loving arms His truth will prevail.

This last week I was faced with a harsh reality that I may have a diagnosis I didn't want, a diagnosis that would re-write the narrative of my story and color over the beauty of pieces of who I am that I love and cherish and have worked hard to protect for years. Things I held close to me and clung to so no one else could take them. I felt vulnerable, exposed and unsafe. And like an ominous storm was coming my way and I was trapped against the steep face of a mountain with no-where to go. And yet somewhere deep inside I searched for hope, I searched for truth. I chose to surrender and give the situation over to God. I chose to hit the ground in prayer and cling to my Lord. Asking God to let His light shine, to let His truth be known in this.

I wrestled with understanding what God's purpose was in this. I wrestled with trying to understand how I wasn't helpless in this. And I decided to trust - to trust that people were not going to leave me, to trust that I was going to be taken care of, to trust that God was going to bring healing, to trust that I am who God told me I am, over and over in this storm. "You are my daughter. You are my child." I wrestled with not letting my perspectives of people change as I waited for the news - because if I received this news then it meant that some others were going to be faced with change as well.

I realized in this that I have grown lazy in letting God be the one to fill me - that I've turned to others to fill only what God could fill. I realized in this that God is my protector and if I surrendered that which I was trying to protect into His arms alone to protect that they're much safer than in my own hands anyways. And when it came time there was peace and trust and a deep sense of love. I was terrified and yet I was safe. And because I was had surrendered into God's hands that which was the most precious to me - including the relationships I had developed over the last few years that would be the most impacted - I was able to dig for truth and right understanding. And in the end I walked away knowing I had just experienced a faith victory.

If my brokenness draws me closer to God, then let me be broken. If I have to understand intense loss in order to see all that I have gained, then let me lose everything. If I have to fall on my face in the filth of this world to know beauty, then let me fall.

It's like the story of Abraham and Isaac - laying the promises that God has given you on the altar. Letting not even the blessings of God come before the blessing of knowing God. Letting no gift be before the gift Giver. We seek His face before we seek His hand. We seek knowing the healer before we seek the healing.

It's the beauty of what it means to live in a broken and sinful world - in our weakness, in our brokenness, in our shame, in our struggles and in our pain God is right there with us. He leads us through the fire and tells us to just cling to Him. He tells us to fix our gaze on Him alone, to trust Him because He will NEVER leave us. He has not left us orphans, He has not left us desolate, abandoned, rejected and scorned. He makes ALL things beautiful in it's time. And it's the journey of a thousand miles that makes the sunrise and sunset all the more beautiful, that makes the birds in the trees a delight to hear. That makes the innocence of a baby all the more sweeter to bear. Because He is right there...

Unsafe

Safety. It's one of the primary desires of all humans. To be safe. To be protected. All other desires fall away when our safety is threatened physically, emotionally, psychologically, relationally and spiritually.


The desire to feel safe has personally been an immense struggle in my life. There are few moments in my life when I didn't feel unsafe; since I was a young child there was always something that I could find that made me feel unsafe. Whether it was the monster in my closet, the dark, the loud noises down the street, the looks of people. The words said to me, the social interactions, the traumatic experiences...And now as an adult I struggle with a lot of fear and anxiety as a result.


This week I'm faced with preparing myself for some news later this week that I am terrified of receiving. It's news that for one has placed me in a position where I feel rather helpless against. Feeling helpless is the worst! And it's news that if I receive it will mean that I am in an even more unsafe situation. At least in my mind. It's news that threatens so many features of who I am that I love and cherish.


Features of who I am that I have tried protecting all these years - even to the point of hiding them away so that no one could hurt them or take them away. Over the last year I feel like I've regained so many pieces to who I am that I didn't even know or realize I had because I was starting to feel safe. But this news that's coming feels like a big ominous storm coming my way and I'm backed up against a mountain. I'm frantically looking for a crevice, a cave to hide away in. Someplace safe. I feel my defenses rising, anger rising, and I'm wanting to blame to fight to retaliate.


And yet at night when I'm in bed and I'm wondering if there's anything more about me that's broken or is this finally it. When I cry out to God "Lord, who am I?!" He speaks loudly back "You are my daughter. You are my child."


When I yell at God that He asks too much of me, my best friend reminds me "We are dust." God expects nothing from us except that which He gives. He expects everything from Jesus.


When I feel like fighting back against the storm coming my way, when I clutch close my satchel of the gems of the pieces of who I am that I love and cherish the Lord comes to me and says "Here, let me protect those. Give them to me so they will be safe."


And when I turn to cling to God, to fall at His feet; when I realize my helplessness and that I need to respond in the best way that will honor and glorify Him, when I realize I can't expect things from people anymore...sweet peace flows over me and somewhere out of the abyss I find the strength to keep moving on.


God, I declare you Lord of this situation. And even if it means my safety is removed, may you still be glorified.