Struggling to Belong

I've grown rather bitter over the last couple years. I was looking at pictures today of someone's wedding whom I had worked closely with and had spent a lot of time praying for, supporting and covering their tasks when they had to step down unexpectedly because of some health issues. And all I thought about was that I wasn't invited to be a part of their special day. I wasn't even sent an engagement notice or a thank you. And that's all I could think about! I mean how selfish is that of me! But the truth of it is that this thought process has become a "normal" in my life lately. Doesn't matter how much I give financially, or time or support or prayers I always feel like I'm the one forgotten about. And that's all I can think about. All I can think about is how could my best friends just walk out on our friendship for no reason and say that it was just "separation" - no...no it wasn't. I see it as betrayal, that they found someone "better" to be friends with, that they had "outgrown" me and that they only wanted to be friends with me for what I could give to them. Ir didn't matter how dedicated I was, how much I was there for them, or how much I forgave them for the hurt they gave to me over the years I still was never enough for them. Yes, I've grown bitter. All I can think about is the numerous friends that I have reached out to, that I have given to and they forget to invite me to things or ignore me. Yes, I've grown bitter. People my age think I'm weird or not good enough, and people my parents age adore me but I'm too young to fit in with their crowd. I don't feel like I belong at Church - what gifts I have to give I don't feel called to give in the way the Church thinks I should give. Yes, all I can think about is my bitterness and not what God has given me. All I can focus on is my struggle to belong, to feel like I'm settled in a specific place in a community, that I can offer something valuable to others to support them and bring out their gifts, to sharpen other people's faith and help them grow and blossom. And yet often I feel like a single small plant struggling to bloom in a sun-parched desert. My task in the midst of this struggle is to learn to dig my roots down deep, to push aside my need to belong here on earth and find satisfaction in belonging to God. Yes, I may be struggling to belong, I may be struggling to feel valued even by those who love the Lord so incredibly deeply but I fight to believe that's not the end of the story. That somewhere I can believe unconditional love is for me (which has also been a real struggle to believe for myself), that somewhere I can believe that I am valued and that I find myself belonging no matter what I've done, what I failed to do or made a mistake in doing, and that others around me know they belong right where I find myself belonging. My mind says it's true, but sometimes my heart fails or fears to believe it's true. And yet it's true.