Days of Significance

Yesterday was a pretty significant day in my life. I turned 24 (which is my all-time favorite number! Don't know why, it just is), it was 6 months to the day of when I started my journey towards freedom, it was both Passover AND Good Friday, and it was the birthday that I told God I wanted to be married by BUT am so grateful He didn't listen to me, that He has something better in mind.

Looking back over the last year has brought me to my knees again and again in praise over all that the Lord has done in my life. This time last year I flat-lined in my faith. When I went to do a Sozo prayer that was my last stand. Either God was going to show up in my life in a really powerful way or I was done. I don't even recognize who I was last year. She wasn't even really me; that lady was so bitter, so angry, so scared, so hurting, so self-focused...and yet, she was me. That's hard to grasp. It's even more difficult for me to know that I almost turned my back on the One I love. There was no reason why I deserved what the last year held, all the blessings and favor, all the life and joy, all the freedom God has brought into my life. I had no control over most of what happened, except for my choosing to keep my focus fixed on God. I don't know if I could ever go through another year that held as much change for me as the last year has, especially the last 6 months. Not only were there all these major events that happened, but God brought people into my life that would forever change me. One in particular, my wonderful counselor, came into my life out of nowhere, and has ended up being the perfect person for the job of walking with me through some really difficult and challenging things, and propelling me into God's best for my life. I don't trust men easily, I have good reason not to, but I trust him. And what's more I finally broke through my fear of opening up my heart and really trusting my best friends. And the result was that for the first time in my life I felt so loved, I felt so cherished, I felt like I had finally found where I belong. I found a new church family, and every week they make me feel so valued and so cherished; they allow space and room for me to walk in my giftings. And I'm being challenged and stretched in my faith and how I respond to God, how I interact with Him and experience Him.

I think it was so significant that my journey towards freedom has hit it's 6 month anniversary on the day that Jesus was crucified and died for our sins, the day He paid the full-price of the punishment I fully deserved. The day the veil was torn and mankind could finally enter fully into God's presence. The day God in all of His glory and majesty, righteousness and holiness embraced us, all of us, when we were covered in shame and sin. The timing could not have been more profound for me.

There are so many other ways that this journey has been significant. For one, it has propelled me into adulthood. I have been forced to make choices and decisions that bring me out of childhood and took steps that propelled me into my future. I honestly feel that I have grown up (and will feel it much more once grad school starts and I move into an apartment of my own). I'm really grateful to God for that. That He did not let me stay where I was, that He pushed me to a point where I am now able to stand on my faith, make decisions without dependence on others' approval or acceptance. I can honestly say I obeyed God and God alone. I can honestly say that I heard God and tried to honor Him alone in the best way I could. What a confidence booster!! What a faith builder!!

And now those closest to me are stepping into their own journey that seems very similar to what this last year held for me. I'm now able to turn around and be a support for the ones who have held my arms up in the battle for so long, who have stayed by my side and believed that victory was going to come. The ones who have seen God's hand in my life in the most intimate and precious ways. And the greatest thing for me is that I am now, honestly, strong enough and healthy enough that I can support them in their journeys. I pray every day for God to knock their socks off in even greater ways that He did for me this last year.

Turning 24 for me marks a turning point in my story. It's a marker on the road that holds so much significance of where I've come from and to where I am headed. Some day in heaven I will see the fullness of God's grand design, of God's glorious story in my life. But the glimpse I've seen lately of what that fullness looks like fills me with awe and praise. I don't know what this next year holds for me - there a lot of great and beautiful things planned so far. But what I do know is that going forward I want to live my life in a way that both glorifies God and transforms and impacts others' lives. And at the end of my days I want it said of me that I not only glorified and served God well, but that I truly delighted in my Savior.

Blessings!