Surrender

Throughout this last summer the Lord brought me through a season of surrender. It was hard, it was painful, I fought the Lord on so many different things He was asking me to surrender, but because I trusted God I finally let go and surrendered all my hopes, all my dreams, all my expectations, all the people I love and hold dear, all my fears, all my worries, all my doubts, and all my desires. And in the end I laid down before the Cross in complete brokenness. But I walked away from that experience with a fuller joy and a deeper peace.

Throughout the course of these last couple months I have been able to watch God do many miraculous things in my life. The healing of my best friends' dad, the relationships I've built with my roommates, and many other things. I have seen my mom come into a deeper understanding of God's love for her and I have experienced such peace during every storm that has come my way this semester.

But I got tired, I got overworked, I poured out too much of myself and I didn't allow God to fill me back up by spending those quite moments with Him - being in an intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe is a daily thing. And so once again I find myself standing back where I started; burdened down with all my "baggage" of the hopes, dreams, expectations, fears, and worries I had before. Once again I find myself asking God why I haven't found my husband yet, why all these other girls get to experience love but I don't. I have come to the end of myself and once again God is asking me to surrender.

Surrender is a DAILY! dying to yourself - it's not just a one time thing. It's a continual, on-going, all-encompassing thing. It's painful but in the end it's so incredibly beautiful.

So here I am Lord, naked, vulnerable, shattered, and torn into pieces from the things of this world and Satan's lies and deceit. I am in need of a Savior for I am broken and tired. Once again I surrender all my hopes, all my dreams, all my expectations, all my plans, all my fears, all my worries, all my doubts, all my pain, all my loves, all my friends, all of my family, all my desires. Take them Lord...for here I stand, broken in your love.

Surrender is a daily dying to yourself.