Surrendering Loneliness to the Lord

This last weekend I witnessed the marriage of one of my dearest and closest friend. It was beautiful and perfect - the bride was radiant and I got to be one of her 8 bridesmaids. I have been impressed with the level of purity and respect in her relationship with her new husband over the last 3 years, and have found myself desiring to date very similarly. But it's caused me to think lately over the condition of the relationships in my life. This last year I had to walk a long and painful road alone. I had to do it out of duty to the law and fear of what might happen to my family and possibly even my friends. I never knew fear like I did this last year, and I never knew loneliness like I did this last year. I no longer anxiously need people. When I get people in my life I enjoy it but I've come to not expect it. Mom told me the other day that because of who I am I may never have a best friend here on earth. Maybe I'll marry - oh God knows how much I would love to be married and have a family. But I need to be content in God and OK that He may be calling me to a life that is very much alone. I almost see myself becoming like Harriet Tubman in that sense. Who knows. What I do know is that until I learn to surrender these lonely feelings to the Lord - these feelings of not being known and not being able to know someone else at an intimate and true level - I will never walk in the joy of the Lord. I feel God calling me into battle, carrying a mantle of leadership to point people to God's truth, and to continue to show them God's good plan when morals and society around us is pulling us to more of the ways of the world and ways of the flesh. I am not done with steering the leadership away from destruction. What is coming is not something to be taken lightly and I cannot sit back and not hold those people in authority over me and in leadership positions over me in accountability to Christ's standard. For when the day of destruction comes I want to know that I have done all I can do to keep as many people from wavering in their faith and holding fast to God and being blameless in His sight. "Though none go with me still I will follow...no turning back, no turning back." As the old hymn goes. I crave to know Jesus more and to follow after His plan for my life, and if that means that I'm to walk upon this earth alone then so be it. But I pray that in the mean time God to take more and more control over these feelings of loneliness.