I am broken by the sin, pain, suffering and wounds inflicted on me by being a human in a beautiful world thoroughly marred by the agony of sin. Sometimes it's hard to look at the beautiful world around me and ever keep the brokenness before me. I want to see the beauty, I want to see the fallacy of perfection. It's hard to reconcile brokenness and beauty. And yet it is because of the brokenness of the most Beautiful One, the One who had no stain of sin upon Him that there is hope for all things to be made beautiful again. And yet indeed things are beautiful now because they are broken.
My own personal story has indeed been one that is hard to reconcile brokenness and beauty within. The beauty of being an image bearer of God - fearfully and wonderfully made with unique qualities and characteristics to be celebrated and delighted in. And the brokenness of my own personal sin as well as the pain and suffering inflicted upon me by broken and sinful people around me. It is very easy for me to become afraid when all I can see is the brokenness. And it is very easy for me to miss the warning of fear and fall prey to danger when all I want to see is the beauty, the fallacy of perfection. To ignore the brokenness in my own life and ignore the brokenness in those around me. I trust and yet I'm afraid to trust.
Learning to reconcile beauty and brokenness, fear and trust has become my journey these last few months. It takes rereading my story through a number of lenses and perspectives. It takes vulnerability and transparency even with me, myself and I as well as those who are close to me. It takes consistency in reaching for the Lord and continually falling and surrendering into His arms. It takes embracing all of me with God's love and being embraced by Love Himself.
I've learned the hard way, many times, that because of brokenness in beautiful people that trust can be easily broken. Many nights I watch myself, as if on a video, facing the moments when friends, family members, peers and colleagues and even total strangers have broken my trust - some of these moments too cruel, too painful and some of them so subtle and small that I have to watch closely to even see the moment. The list of those I am asked to forgive can be daunting at times. And the fear of the list growing, the fear of who could be added to the list, can be so painful that it just seems easier to ignore the dangers and push on as if everything and everyone around me is perfect. That is until the next time my heart is stabbed, until I've been taken advantage of again, until the voice in my head says again "You're so stupid. You should have known better." Indeed reconciling beauty and brokenness is a hard hard battle to fight.
And yet I know the only way to reconcile beauty and brokenness is within the Beautiful, Broken One. The very One who loves me when my brokenness is given too much reign. The very One who also loves the ones who inflict brokenness upon me. And the very One who loves those who walk into my life and sit in my pain and suffering, as ones who also have been pained and suffer, when the rest of the world walks out. I can trust the Beautiful, Broken One because of His love; in His arms I am safe. The more I entrust my heart to Him alone, the only One with whom I am safe, the more free I am to embrace and fully reconcile brokenness and beauty in myself and in the world around me. In His arms, I can enter into vulnerability with beautiful and broken people around me; to test and risk trust and intimacy in friendships and relationships.
Indeed even in this, today, the Lord is in His redeeming and restorative work in my life. Indeed I am learning that the very ones who consistently have entrusted and pointed me back to the Beautiful, Broken One as the ONLY one with whom I am safe are the ones who can be trusted because we place our trust in the ONLY One with whom we are safe. In this alone relational transparency, vulnerability, intimacy and community are possible. Beauty and brokenness are indeed reconciled and redeemed in my own life and in the lives of those close to me because beauty and brokenness have already been reconciled, restored and redeemed in the Beautiful, Broken One.
The Beautiful, Broken One - in His arms alone, I am safe.
Surrender, surrender, surrender into His embrace.
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