At His Feet

I have a confession...I like to sneak off to a very private place, put my headphones in, turn up the worship music really loud and just dance. When I was in college there was never a private place I could get to that I wouldn't be found unless I locked myself away in a room; sometimes I went out at 2am and danced under the stars in worship to my King. I dance only for Him. When I listen to this song I feel like dancing, to worship my King.

A few years ago I was invited to join a group of my friends to go to the Onething conference at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO. It was there, when my heart was in a very hurting and confused place, that Jesus revealed to me that I am made for worship and for me specifically that the place I am the most fulfilled is sitting at His feet. In that place of prayer, sitting at His feet, being in His presence, was probably one of the first times I began to grasp this notion of grace and how deeply incredible His love is. Here's an excerpt from my personal journal of that time:

"Oh precious Jesus, my heart cries out praise to You! You did not forsake me in my selfishness; nor when I was guilty for believing the lies and the things this world bombarded me with. When I dragged myself along the wayside, wallowing in shame and pity, believing I was worthy of eating the dust of the ground, You chose me and called me beautiful. And when I ran from the Courts of the King as I was caught up in my sin and my shame, you found me in the pig's pen, eating the slop, and You welcomed me home. Giving me all the riches I did not deserve, but You call me worthy...You call me righteous. Oh Beautiful One, give me the determination to never give up or give in. Oh My Savior, always take me in Your arms and dance with me...show me Your heart and give me wisdom beyond my feeble mind...."

"You are the Glory and lifter of my head. Your Name is Holy, Holy."

I still find myself amazed over the last 6 months. I don't think I will ever stop being in awe of all the Lord has done in my heart and my life. I have been seeking so much for so long and in a matter of a few months so many prayers were answered. So much has still yet to be worked through, but never before have I experienced such an incredible and intense season of joy and freedom. To have had that moment when I finally came before Jesus in the full reality of who I am in order to present to Him that which I am the most ashamed of and to have Him embrace me in all of His holiness. I am wholly unworthy...I deserve to eat the dust of the earth and to make my bed among the pigs, and yet here is Jesus embracing all of me in all of His holiness and majesty and He says "I love you My beautiful child."

"Come, let us tell of the Lord's greatness; let us exalt His name together. I prayed to the Lord and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." Psalms 34:3-5

"For the Lord Your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice of you with joyful songs." Zephaniah 3:17

"You heard my cry and delivered me. So here I am, at Your feet. At Your feet."

In quietness, in desperation, in hope, in longing I come and sit at His feet. In times when my thoughts and actions leave me in deep sadness and guilt I come and sit at His feet. In times when my fears and anxiety seek to consume me I come and sit at His feet. In times when joy is bursting from the depths of my soul I come and sit at His feet. In times when I feel completely lost as to what I am supposed to do I come and sit at His feet. In times of intense prayer and intense processing I come and sit at His feet. In times when the memories come flooding back and I relive the pain, the moments of shame, the lies spoken into my heart, the feelings of inadequacy, the feelings of rejection, and the regrets of my actions I come and sit at His feet.

It is there at His feet that truth is spoken into my heart and my life. It is there at His feet that joy is found. It is there at His feet that hope and life is found. It is there at His feet that my life, the completeness and fullness of who I am, is redeemed and made righteous. It is there at His feet that I am the most safe. It is there at His feet that I am able to pour into others. It is there at His feet that I learn God Almighty can be trusted.

It truly is where I am the most fulfilled.

When I think about the last 6 months the greatest joy I find is in coming back to this place of fulfillment - sitting at His feet, being in His presence.When I look at verses that talk about the Lord taking delight in us - taking delight in us with gladness - it honestly shatters the feelings of inadequacy I carry in my heart. Going beyond the truth that God loves us - as this is sometimes downplayed by the thought that God has to love everyone by default - it reveals a love that is not burdensome. It reveals a love that is uplifting, a love that ascribes worth, and a love that conquers. A love that is most pure, a love that cleanses and redeems. A love that longs and woos.  A love that cherishes.

The God of the Universe, Beloved, takes delight in us with gladness! Can you grasp even the slightest inkling of what that is like? The Lord of the Universe invites you, me, us to come away from the pressures and demands, the struggles and burdens, the efforts and works to sit at His feet - even for a little while - and dwell in His presence. To gaze into His eyes...to crawl into His lap and rest our head against His chest. To listen to His heartbeat. To let Him embrace us. Yes...it is scary...it's scary because it's a vulnerable place to come as we are before Someone so Holy and Righteous and Just...But it is because of His grace through sending His Son, to shed blameless blood to pay the price for our sins that we are now made righteous and able to come before Him. At first there may be trepidation, it may be hard to grasp this love that sounds too good to be true, too awesome for lowly me. But as I've learned the more you taste, the more you experience, the more you step towards this love the more you long for this place at His feet. The more you find your heart and life being fulfilled. The more you find nothing else in this world can ever compare.

Come, Beloved, come and sit at His feet.

"You are the Glory, Glory. You are the glory, the lifter of my head. Your name is Holy, Holy."